Somatic Coaching 

Stress and fight or flight reactions block important skills in us, such as concentration, relaxation, and self-awareness. 

When our needs were not adequately met as a small child, we suffered. We lived in a state of stress and our nervous system strained as a result.

If you were already in a chronic state of stress or paralysis as a small child and you had no way of ensuring that your unfulfilled needs were met, you inevitably dealt with the negative side effects in your body. 

Since it is not possible to deliberately influence bodily functions, a feeling of helplessness, powerlessness and being at the mercy of your body often arose. 

You might have felt that you had no control over your physical and psychological state, which in turn caused fear and insecurity. 

It is difficult for you to perceive yourself and your feelings and to acknowledge their importance, to appreciate yourself and tune into what you need. 

You learned that you don't deserve attention and care from others. 

You also learned that you only get attention under certain conditions. For example, when you performed perfectly, when you looked good, when you were strong and helpful or particularly good at something.

In these conditions, self-esteem cannot develop because there is no room for development. 

If you have learned in life that it is about functioning and adapting, it is possible that you perceived your feelings and needs as uncomfortable, annoying and even felt ashamed of them. 

You might have pushed them away and covered them with a role that you were playing. 

You felt that showing your true self, your inner world could be inappropriate or unreasonable for others.

Most of the time you just couldn’t feel yourself and didn’t really know who you really were. You thought that spontaneity and the pursuit of impulses are not appropriate in public. Expressing your feelings and needs was fraught with shame.

If the caregiver/parent adequately met the needs of the child, then the child feels secure. 

When the child turns to the parents, it knows that its needs are being met. It is based on trust and will continue to turn to them with confidence over and over again. Feelings are expressed immediately. 

The child is sad when the caregiver/parent leaves, and is happy when they return. 

According to the attachment theory of pioneer John Bowlby, a secure bond leads to: 

– Self-confidence

– Independence

– The ability to deal with conflict

– Self-acceptance 

– Psychological stability in adulthood

If the caregiver/parent does not adequately meet the needs of the child, the child becomes insecure. 

The child starts to distrust the caregiver/parent. As a result, the child can become reluctant about expressing their needs in the future. 

Sometimes the child will develop other strategies to meet their needs, such as being overly demanding when they do need something. 

In this case an unhealthy relationship pattern between the child and the caregiver/parent can develop. 

John Bowlby’s attachment theory describes this phenomenon with an insecure attachment. The child is unsure whether their caregiver/parent is adequately meeting their needs. The child is never entirely certain whether the message will get through and reach the caregiver/parent emotionally.

 Later in adulthood, this type of attachment can lead to:

– Low self-esteem and self-confidence 

– Self-doubt

– Emotional dependencies

– Incapacity for solving conflicts

– Feelings of increased shame and guilt

– Psychological instability 

The consequences of physical abuse are being constantly alert and feeling unsafe. You might suffer from various symptoms such as:

– Inability to relax

– Anticipating threat

– Residual trauma; feeling powerless 

– Powerlessness

– Feeling overwhelmed or overloading oneself 

– Loneliness

– Heightened level of stress

– Traumatic freezing response; a tendency towards disassociation, anxiety or panic and even post-traumatic disorder. 

Sexual abuse is very traumatic. The consequences can be chronic nervous overexcitement, paralysis, losing the sense of one's own limits and needs, lasting transgressions, difficulties in saying "no", dissociation, avoiding presence, and a rejection of one's own body / or gender, self-hatred, eating disorder.

As a child you were emotionally dependent on your caregivers.

When do we talk about emotional abuse?

– When parents used you to fulfill their own unfulfilled childhood dreams, regardless of whether it is the child's desire or inclination.

– When parents directly or indirectly rewarded you as soon as you showed love and admiration.

– If parents / caregivers used you for emotional stability:  you had to fulfill their needs for closeness, understanding, listening, attention, compassion.

– When a caregiver uses the child as a garbage can for their whining without taking responsibility for it.

Possible consequences of emotional Abuse are:

– Difficulty getting in touch with your feelings

– Identity crisis / confusion

– Difficulty to perceive your own wishes and impulses

– Feeling unsafe

– Trust issues that stop you from trusting yourself and other people

– Feeling that something fundamental is missing

– Withdrawal and shyness

– Excessive tension, nervousness, and aggressiveness

– Difficulties in building a healthy sense of self-worth, feeling undeserving of receiving interest, respect and genuine attention 

– Inability to express your needs and to stand up for them

– Underdeveloped skills in taking care of oneself 

– Lack of impulse control, self-regulation, as well as the feeling of inner emptiness

If your needs for security were not sufficiently met as a child, then it is difficult for you to feel safe in life. 

People with early childhood trauma often feel that something fundamental is missing. 

Possible consequences of early childhood trauma:

– Withdrawal and shyness

– Excessive tension

– Nervousness and aggressiveness

– Difficulties in building a healthy sense of self-worth, in the sense that you deserve to receive interest, respect and genuine attention

– Inability to have a healthy sense of self-worth 

– Difficulty to perceive one's own feelings and needs, to express them, and to stand up for them

– Disorders of impulse control, self-regulation, and processing stimuli can also occur, as well as the feeling of inner emptiness